pitting

today was another day of work. this time i was 45 minutes early, and had a bagel and cream chease to pass the time. i met some nice new poeple at work, among them Rob, a guy who used to work in a photo store near copley square where i shot my teen project while i was in boston in 2005. that store went out of bussiness and he moved to work in this store where i work now. he is an older guy with a long silver pony tale and tons and tons of knowledge, plus he is one of the nicest poeple in the world. i was promoted to a shirt wearing sales person instead of a blue apron i now have my Kodak Protra Zeff Photo shirt! this could not be any better. not only a logo, but the best you can have a commercial for somthing soon to be non existing but still looks mighty serious. i think i will like working saturdays.

settings

today i made a decision. i will build an awsome bed, that will look good and we will like it rather then buy one we like from ikea. the initial premise was that it would be much cheaper to build it on my own. after i found that it might not be that much cheaper, i said it will leave me with all kinds of tools that ide want to have any way and not have a reason to buy. at the end it was that i WANT to build this bed. the idea now was to buy the wood and tools and paint for the job and be able to do it at home. there were a few things i did not consider. my car is too small to carry all the wood, home depot cannot make exact cuts on the wood and i have no way of carriyng all that ship on my own. joe was kind enough to help me out again. we went to get the wood, and then had to go and swich cars, so we had to leave the wood there, when we returned there was all kinds of other stuff that wasent ours on the cart. i, the good semaritan gave it back but they messed up the check any way it was cheaper all over. we got the paint and brushes and other little bits and put it all in joes van. the plan then was to load it all in to my car so i can make a run up to boston. but then tess asked why not just ask joe to ride up in his car? well ofcourse he said yes. the end of the deal is that we talked all the way, and i think i was trying to ask joe somthing about living in america, and it ended up beeing that i was nagging him, and wining about how hard i have it and bitching about other poeple. i ended up not asking him about most of what i wanted to know way back when before i got hired, but then again i guess i figured most of it out my self. still i guess i have to break away from what i know about making a living and beeing able to afford the life i want to have and the things i want to do. joe was trying to be helpfull and i think it killed out conversation from that point onwards.
joe seemed to like the house in everett street alot, also there was the longest period with no trains and it does seem like an awesome house in those rare times.

the corbomite maneuver

today i played out a theory by Mr Spock, about time travel. i planned it all to the letter, with all the usual checking with the engeneering department about more warp speed, had the supplys and food stocks checked a day in advance, and set all chronometers to match my departing time. but as usual, the unexpected happened, the electric fazing shaver machine that was set on high stun setting ran out of power just when i needed it the most, and i had to switch to the olden time manual metal blade razor. this led to a small delay in the plan that would later grow. another problem i had neglecled to check was the amount of dilitheum charged liquid in the energy capacators of the car, and had to get more fuel on the way. i could possibly make it all the way on what i had, but making it in late was better then not at all. i then proceeded to open my navigation computer console that inform me of the distance and expected arrival time. i was scheduled to arrive at work at 0900AM. i left the gas station at 0734AM. normal travel time in avarege speed of 60MPH was 55 minutes. thus the GPS noted that i would be there at 0839AM. this left a total of 21 minutes to be delayed by interstellar traffic, and other thoughtless commutters riding by themsleves much like me, talking on their phones and paying no attention to their driving. just before the 95\93 split the traffic stopped. the clock on the GPS started moving forward telling me the my arrival time is getting closer and closer to the 0900AM deadline. it moved on up to 0852 when traffic started to clear. thats when i remmebered the words of Mr spock about the slingshot effect of time travel warping and so on, and i started to push on. as i was moving faster and faster, time started to move in reverse, and the clock and the GPS counted backwards minute by minute. for every 5 minutes of clear roads i gained back one minute untill the next jam. after that again i clocked the time backwards, i was able to hold it at 0859 drove in full power in to the parking lot and made it in by 0901... it was close and i was late. but i did bend the rules of physics and made time move backwards. for the good that did....

today started so early, i went out in search of a radiator. i found one and got it replaced. i wanted to take a picture of the old rotted one but i dident. i wanted to take a picture of the new shiny aluminium one installed but i dident. the does not heat up any more, but still looses more power then it should with the AC condenser on, and the oil canister light flickers now and again. i have gained my confidence in the all mighty japanese techinoligy superiority once again, though i am not sure for how long.

a watched pot never boils

today i started a new work.a new work place is always hard and makes you feel uncomfertable, but good new work place also makes you feel that you might find your place there, be one of the gang, know little things that poeple who work in places know and fit in as a respected worker. this new place did not bestow upon me such feelings, and i as noted before i am loosing my over all confidence in things. though on the way back a realization that i might also make money developing and scanning negatives might actualy happen some day and i might just be able to live off that. it still makes me wonder every second of the day when i work, how can poeple afford to do anything here, like buy a car, buy a tv or an over priced camera. there are many rich poeple i know, and if you are already somewhat rich you can get even richer easily. all i want is enough money to buy a fucking TV or a car. today i lost all confidence in my car. the oil canister light started flashing when i got in to stop and go traffic on the 95 split near milton. then the engine started over heating, unless i turned the AC off.on the way back it got worse and the car almost did not make it to my sisters house. i was sure i will not make it back to providence, and i called joe from the road and asked if he thinks he might be able to pick me up if i get stuck. he said sure. this is the second time i write about this in the blog that even though i dont know joe all that well, he is a good friend to have any time of the day and twice on a tuesday. i made it back with the AC off and the sunroof open i even pushed the car and nothing happend just the AC is bothering it for some reason. i did however find out the the radiator is all rotten and have little surface foil left and what is left is crumbeling if you just touch it. i hope this is the problem. i dont want to buy a car, not to mention i cant afford it with my salary. so the fact that the radiator is caput made me feel a bit better about the car that if that part will be replaced it will run another 10000 miles but its still not solid, that emotion. the imacon saga continues. i am back right where i was a month ago with having to make a descion i dont know if i should be making or if it is worth to take the same chance another time exactly for the same reasons. i wish i had more answers and more time. i feel like i am old and i will get stuck in a rut pretty soon and will not be able to get out of it any longer because i will not have the means to do so. kind of like those old poeple whose kids leave the house and the get too old to work and have no money and their kids live so far away they buy a caravan and travel to meet the kids but often to not make it and they end up parking in a temporary trailer park, putting up their trailer against a few months rent and burial services. i will be really old soon and have even less options then. i want to travel and see things. i am afraid i dont have enough time to do all that.

15/32" (whatever that means...)

may 2010

today me and tess went to see the RISD graduate thesis show at the providence convention center, in downtown providence. this was an even smaller show then the smallish show last year with only 5 poeple, and only 4 of them doing photo related work, though one of those 4 also had an explanetory video with her work. so only 3 Photo PER SE work there. one piece that was by a graphic designer who i had a class with once, was the be all of all photography. he had 4 eggelstone like photos in 4X5\8X10 format aspect ratio, printed huge, in frames with glass, depicting empty parking lots of strip malls and dollar tree stores. the only thing is they were not photos, but illusrations with very little detail, infact only as much as you need to understand what you are looking at and trigger all your larry sultan, eggelston, Joel Sternfeld and the such and top all of them easily. only 4 of those, and fuck it was better then the whole photo show put together. i thought about it at length, what it means about me, what i can learn form this about my comming year, what should i do about it and so on, the only thing i understood fully and already knew to some extent is that i do not need to work so hard. i burned all my bridges at this school long ago, i will not have any recomendations for the future from any faculty here, and i can be nice and show progress play the game and still have time to get home for cornflakes (Vilos Cohaagen, Mark core reactor bomb 1990). or do other shit. like build a bed. i have been strongly motivated by maho and johnathan to build a bed frame like i used to and enjoyed doing, rather (quite colloquially by Mr. Spock) buy one we like from IKEA. this will also be a chance to buy more POWER tools yeah. but i need them anyway.
tommorow is the first day of work at Zeffs photo supply, the photo store i got hired by. im getting that tickle now but i am not sure its the starting a new job kind of tickle. i will keep the blog posted.

may 2009

star (ing)

i realized today that we have been here for more then a month and we havent done anything. well we went to new york and found an apartment and spent time getting it ready (though we even havent moved in yet) but we really did not do anything. when i told tess about this she asked what would i want to do, and that got me thinking that i actualy seriusly do not know what i want to do. where as allways in my past i had a clear goal of what i want to do and where i want go things i want to have and see and so on there all kinda lost now. i guess i was all tnagled up in the bussiness of having tess move here, and in the proses of being in israel for almost a year mumbeling the same mantra every fucking day about where i am going and what i am doing wiht my life i lost track of the path an what i really wanted to do. i went running today. 15 minutes out and then a planned 15 minutes back, that turned in to only 12 on the return, but i was thinking all the way. on the way out i was thinking that i dont know what i want to do, what is it that i would do if i had all the time in the world and no worries? would i go photographing? would i work? would i find a better nicer place to live? would i watch a movie? and other things like what am i? am i photographer? what do i do as one? i guess this month and half is fore-fitted as we cant realy do anything here. this is not our home and we dont have space here ot set up, it just seems as though we have been here for so long for it to not make a diffarence. and for me especialy, having been living in a temporary house for the past 3 years or so not being able to really settle down and do what i want with my time. on the way back it started becoming more and more clear to me. i am doing what i want to do. i am in the US with TESS, i am not lazying around on my ass and am trying to sort shit out for my self. i will have lots of work ready to show for by the begining of the year. i will go out shooting once we settle in and i will make work i know i want to make, and photos i have been thinking about for almost a year now. i will start a new project with star trek TOS models. i will take studio shots in BW. these are my three school goals. my work goal is already beeing fullfild, and wiht that my car\tools\small business will also get going.
after all i guess its not that bad. just like maho said about her and john. i guess i am not at al optmistic, but when i look at the bigger picture it seems like not such a bad deal after all.