Green Card

what does being in the place mean, as apposed to be being somwhere else?
i have a tendancy to get attached to places and feel that there is a good reason for staying where i am if it is what i want to do. but really what diffarence does it make if we are here or somwhere else? i feel that i am overwhekmed by mever ending consumer propogranda around me. buy buy buy every time of year is marked by its special buying graces. when i had a job and made some money it was not a problem. even though i could not pay my rent, health insurance or tuition with the money i made, i felt that if i want to buy somthing or do something i am doing it with my own money and need not think twice about how i spend it. now i have no job, no money and its not that i need to buy stuff, but i am thinking ahead in to the future and wondering weather or not this will always be the case? i am not a career person and i doubt i will ever be. my self employment scheme is a complete failure and i will not persue it much longer. ia msurrounded buy shit i dont need but cant get rid of. i cant keep a lid on these feelings of loss and useleness. really it is pointless i am not moving forward i am not moving anywhere at all for that matter.
all of a sudden my school seems to be a nice place to be in, even though nothing has changed and the things that bother me there are still all there. the peopel around me have managed to convince me that whatever it is that they are doing and what i am inviolved in is important to me and that i should play along with it.
but wait - its time for realization and disillusionment - nothing have changed. its still as pointless and silly as it was before and the discussion cannot save it. it needs to go to a whole other level for it to actually mean something, and even then i am not sure it will make a diffarence for me. like the world i am running out of resources to handle this stuff. i want to know what to, where to go. i want clear goals.