slush

nultraxon

this post has waited long to be written, has gone through many showers of thinking awsome stuff to write about and forgotten as soon as i sat at the computer re ingnited by passing by that place every morning on the way to work and every eavning on the way home, where the reef still rests. january 29 marks the day when some ahmad blew him self up under my then girlfriends bedroom window at 11 minutes after 9 am. several dead i think maybe 7 and a bounch of body parts lay around when i ran down with the camera in one hand and putting my shoes on in the second. it was a mess. later that day after procecsing the 24 rolls of film i shot, and that i had prearanged to shoot black and white for an assignment - this expoltion just couldent happen at a better time. i rushed the films, and then went to my afternoon job as a bartender at a nice jerusalem restaurant. usualy and terror attack meant an empty shift wiht every one gleud to the screens and watching the live reruns luped endlesly of the same 5 second video of a paramedic running with a strecher infront of a panaicing camera man and drives away in to the pandamoniom, and over and over and over and over and over from the moment of the streached broadcast 10 minutes after the bomb went off and late into the night. by this one most of the poeple were just going through the motions and no one really cared, not that they cared at any point but now they dident even show it. and so the night shift was pretty full, and a bounch of telavivians sat at the bar and orderd some food. while i was entertaining them with my amazing charm and charechter they said somthing about the explosion earlier in the morning. i had wiht me the two rolls of slides i shot those were the first two i shot, and the bloodiest fo them all. i asked if they would care to see them, and of course they said yes, not knowing this wasent TV moderated shit. they looked at the pictures in the light and did not say another word untill they got up from the bar and walked out. it wasent all that bad. i tend to think about this as a life chanching experiance, that somwhow my life looked diffarent after this day, that o treated stuff and photography naimly in a diffaretn way, but its just NOT. this had little or no effect on me at the time and still has no effect on as far as i can tell. i am for sure a better photographer, with no credit to the bombing, may be only time has done that. i am still reckless and qiuck at the trigger and shoot into too many directions and never hit anytihng. thats just how i am. that was pretty boring, i had though this would be more meaning full. what a drag. here are some pictures.

friday, saturday, sunday

the end of january is comming. a fwe comments about the blog. asi i have this commitment mostly to my self, and even more so since no one really reads it, except for those few die hard fansit became apperant to me yesterday for the first time since september 2003 that i dont really feel like taking pictures today. and i dident. i missed lux so much yesterday that its all i thought about and i not only did not want to take a picture for this day, dident want to make ap icture at all. this is a crack in a long lasting fasade i thought was emlted in to me by now. maybe i should have taken more pictures of lux this weekend and that mighth ave made me feel diffarent. but there is also annother thing. i feel pointless. i have no career, nor will i ever. i have no talent to grant me the ability to create a life career for my self. i am not a creating artist that will ever be recognized, its more of a hobby i guess. i have no real marketable skills that can amount to mroe of a student paying job. i bearly make enough money to support my self today in the so cheap living arnagment i have. i have no secureties, and assurances that i will be able to support my self at a later date. i could have a career, but it will reqiure me to stay here in israel. i could probebly do the same in america, but since the future is so uncertain untill the end of march what else can i do.

i fed a hungry cat, i made a dogs life alittle nicer when i washed it and moved it in to a house. thats all i am good for. even though animals mean more the humans to me this is meaningless.

on friday i saw a news report about a group of israeli middle aged poeple who meet anualy with germans of the same class, and this year they will meet to make pilgramige to the aucshwiz death camp in poland. for all of the israelis this is a great oprotunity to feel JEWS, to realte to thier heratige, no matter that maybe some of them are not europian because after all we are all jews. for the israelis, each and every one of them said the same thing, its important for them that the germans are there with them. it add extra meaning to the whole thing. why? asks the reporter, no one answers. important and thats it. the germans on the other hand, have more insighfull things to say. they talk about their feelings and how this visit will affect them. for the israelis there is no affect because the are completly numb. one german girl, a news editor for a tv channle in germany said that she thinks this will make her feel distant from the group, and that she is afraid it will make her feel giulty even though she knows she it at no faoult what so ever. this is what the israelis are after, creating a feeling of giult thorugh poeple who are well educated instead of teaching them the verry same thing they have faild to learn from their own personal disaster. another german lady, political editor for a magazine sais she is moved and tuched by the atroceties of the place, and the bleak human terror inflicted, she does not care about numbers or mollions. she os more concenred that this horror is a simple one, that happend in the midts of a social cultural high point, and it could just as easily happen again. thats what frightens her, not a pile of hair and not stagerring figures of dead poeple. exactly opposite from the israelis, she looks ahead to the future.

when asked what they would have done at the time of the holocaust they all answer the same. most of them try to run away from answering with the i dont know what i wwould have done, but most of them also come back from the run and say "probebly nothing". and then we all say "yes the damm german nazis, theyd do it again if they just had a chance, look even she said it!", but the trouth is much mroe disturbing, the thruth is that we are living along side concentration camps, aparthied laws and extreme racist right wing militant society and say nothing. we all sit silently and "do nothing" we have learnd nothing and never will, such is the arrogant segragist self sustainig jewish nature.

after sying she probebly would have dont nothing she sais another thing that lies in the air like a huge a bomb ready to be dropped, "would you be willing to die for somone else to live?, would you be blindly willing to kill you self for soneomene you do not know? at every given time? at any situation?" the stupid jews and israelis that volontire for the army, think they will commit themselves to the nation live on the gun and think they will die for the next guy in line every day of the week and teice on tuesday, they all need to look themakves in the eye.

trees/nestelling

the great synagouge of gerusalem was built and dedicated to the jews who died so that we can live. to the six million dead jews of the EUROPIAN houlocaust. i shit you not. thats what it says on the front of the building. what a mind job. yes thanx to the six million educated poeple who failed to assimilate them selves in the bussom of culture and home of society, who failed to see what the future holds for them untill it was too late, and even then - when it was as clear as the sky in an unmudded day they did nothing to save themselves or try to influence their future and fate. thanx to those poeple to whome we owe to dummest land fued ever. thanx to those poeple who died, and with thier death exhiled us from our native home to the desert. not by chabce does that plaque read "EUROPIAN" and not just the jewish holocaust. europians belong in europe. they desrve the level of humanity and social advancment of an enlightened culture. the yemenite jews, who did not die in the holocaust benefit from the losses of the white socialist jews fleeing europe. in time they will lower the common denomination below the level of the dead sea. it will always still be higher then anything they have ever lived to know. for the rest, nothing has changed. they never 0earned from their old mistakes. they have not leaf the fascist and extreme right ideas to wrote in nurnberg but accepted the ill gotten "democratic" advancments of the arab jews and incorporated them in to their own culture. they do not see how they have comtrol of their lives anf future and fate, while they let it all turn to shit. the last time it cost them the lives of 6 million. i heard that the last population count in israel estimates about 6 million jews within the green line. i guess its time for the second round. maybe it will be the last.

setteling

rain is a strange occorence. rain days are scarce and far apart around here. infact they are so far apart most poeple dont know when it raind last. the rain is such a strange thing that no one really knows what to do with it. i guess there are places where winshield wipers are a life necesaity, but here every one knows they all have to be working and fixed for the winter along wiht your tiers and brakes, but no one really knows why. it raind heavily last week, but it seems they have all forgotten what happend. every year over again. every winter weekend over again. the rain surprizes every one here every time over again. of the 32 avrage rain days per annum poeple hardly ever remmebr what its like, though they do remmeber how hard the winter was and how wet it was when the rain cought them off gourd. off gourd on the way to work, in the cars, where all the windows are coverd with steam, in the over crouded busses, and traffic that is all of a sudden twice as thick. the sliperiness of the roads and side walks. every one gets exited, and think about the depleading and almost empty water reserves of the country, and how they will soon run out and how important the rain is, but still whose down their footpaths and houses. they are all concerned the water reservours are at their lowest red line yet they still couldent care less if it were compltly dry. this is an amazing thing. how a small one hour rain storm can stall a city the size of jerusalem in to a complete halt.

B. Michael, sais it is important not to get carried away in to cleashase when talkign and looking at the rain fall. hes absolutly right.

fog over my city. not my city at all.

clouds under a moon

a cloudy sky with a big moon rising, makes the world look like day at the dark of night. the terrain shines in a all new colours and textures in the night, under the cosmal lamp as a reversal infra red film might look like. you can see all far out to the horizon and feel the crisp grass and sand buvkle under your foot as you pass over it. these are easy nights to walk through, through clouds usualy mean, in turn, rain. walking through the rain in an american night such as this one is also pretty cool, and takes a whole lotta shit to make it a bad expiriance. even at the hight of my dismay of my life and army this kind of weather made me think of other things and let my head drift.

the city is deserted. the semester is technichaly over though due to an over long and pointless strike i think the clases will run late in to the next month. regardless, the city feels as if who ever dosent really live here, already left, as boston looks like in the holidays, wich is wierd because i am just reading about how cambridge and boston get deserted just before thanks giving and having been there myself it feels almost the same. everything here is now low volume and everyone is comuting quitly and orderly (as orderly and quietly as it comes around here), the diffarence is that boston is usualy calm and qiuet every day of the year and the holidays just put it in to a coma, but brings out a whole line of exotic things u dodnt know exist in an avbadond city, stuff you wish was there more often. here there is just nothing and no one. the store is still pretty busy as alot of poeple are preapering their portfolios for exchange studies and closing aplications for next term in israel. other then that the city is silent. even a demonstration in the zion square got no attention. the cofee shops are emptier then usual and the traffic is slower and lighter. how does all of this relate to me is actualy irrelivant. i have no way of telling weather or not my aplication material has reached its destination in the states, and i doubt i will here any thing untill the answer deadline and might not even hear anything at all from some schools.

30 minutes to type

i was going to put in a few or more paragraphs, but got vouhgt up by work, more work, and then the AFC playoff game. i was going to wrote about the wierd experiances i had on saturday, that ended with me not beeiong able to get a positive experiance from a surly positivehappening, or not beeing able to achive advancments where i wanted them. a neighbour of lux's father hides a mint citroen SM in a container in their back yard. he and his father are sure that no one under 40 is old enough to talk, think or do anything actualy. i dont understand how his sun actuly grew up, and now owns an indian chief and this SM bulshit car. i guess its like that wiht poeple who know it all. i could have said somthing but one thing i am at least slightly happy about is that i shut up. i had nothing productive to say, and absolutly did not want to get in to a desscution about this. so i let it go. later i forgot the ground glass of the graflex in jerusalem so couldent shoot any of the planned things i was gonna shoot. this is after last week i found out i was shooting with empty film holders for a while, this is the second time this is happening. i am sick of this. i wish it was warmer and i had more time to ride up to the golan to shoot some more. i will. next week will see the plates of the stuff i dident shoot this week. me and lux are together for 2 years yesterday. thats a long time. so many things have happened in this time. we both went thorugh so many transitions... i was gonna write again about walking through the park but every time i walk through there i have an ew odea about what to write. i have little or now precistance. i will try again. this is the rebirth of the blog, no mre shall you walk alone, every day a new picture. from now on for sure.i should say i am getting there closly, but i am getting nowhere.

blue

to many things to do, to many poeple to see to many things to take care of. today for the milionth time i walked thorugh the indipendance park, after a long talk about how small the world is, with a guy from dallas. actualy i should start earlier. sunday saw the patriots win over jaxonville, and monday had an all new game, of the NY giants against dallas cowboys. i left the game with the cowboys ahead, and i assumed they had won the game. this group of mission turists who walked in to the store and were not only happy to find we had the item they were desperetly looking for, but also a an english wielding and speaking sales person. what a kick. it was as hecktic as 18:30 is in the store, and i just dident have a second to mention the game of yesterday.

fourtiontly they walked in again today, with another porblem and stayed long enough for me to get a bussines card, an invitation for an aranged marrige with australian girls of my picking, and also some words about the game. they said that they are here with sar-el, shmulik smadgas firm, in whos office i grew up (amongst other places). they left and soon later i left. i walked through the park that was filled with reburned cow shit used for furnis. this smelled and felt just like a walk through the bedouin camps in the negev. what a waste of energy... i should just leave it alone.

today

sunday 13 01 08

saturday 12 01 08

friday 11 01 08

wnesday 09 01 08

tusday 08 01 08

armagedon

i wish the rain will come and wash away the filth, this city.

when you are sick, beer only makes you sicker

there is a drizzle with a shizzle and dam bag fizzle, when the city izze izent on the correct a bizzle wave ing dizzle.

construction

pasion

ultra

not only do my nirghbours think i am an ass hole, arrogant and dispickable person, it is now clear that my roomates think pretty much the same. yesterday they cracked out on somthing about the cleaning, and i wasent sure if they were aiming it at me as i am not helping with the cleaing and shit, or just joking. the colcution is that they hate me. well i dont like them verry much either in that sence.

sum

paths of glory

days in the sun

new years. what a waste of time. while people can be productive, creative and so on, they just sit around and fuck the time over.

iglu