trepidation

I cant think of anything i want to do less then to go to israel. it scares me. i am scared of being asked israeli style security questions that to any other israeli or ex israeli might sound perfectly normal, but for me would most likely mean a night in a detention center and deportation. i am scared of not being able to wittingly cope with the all quirks and plain stupid things that make israel and israelis what they are. i have a feeling this will be the last time i ever visit israel, if i am to judge by these pre visit anxieties. why would any person in their right mind, or even ones that are moderately insane put them selves through this nonsense?

i am sucker, like all the rest, and i paying the price for everything i ever did, and alot of other things i did not do, but am responsible for with my existence.