Screws

working full time is hard. on one hand i am enjoying almost every second of work. i am learning how to do things every day and i am getting a hold of things. time flies by when i am there, even though sometimes its rough. i can only think about the endless days at the other place i worked at when i used to stare at the watch like a bored school kid just aching for the day to end so i can go home and play and fool around (wich i never did). i think that today the way i see it is that when i worked at prisma this is the kind of fun i had. i never had any days in prisma where i waited for the clock to tick past the closing hour so i can go home. there was always somthing to do that i did or wanted to do. this is good. also i make money. but the making money is the problem. first i though that making money means that i can buy all the stuff i wanted but can afford right now like a big screen tv. then i thought who had time to watch tv if you work 40 hours a week + 2 days of school and photograph and process and scan? then i thought about the cut throat antics of working on a commission with no real salary.
its a slimy business and every one looses in the end. i dont like this part of what i do. i need to fuck poeple over to get paid. and if i make the money honestly i cant help but feel the greed rolling up my veins and i know this is where my mothers voice echoes when she says that one should not be greedy and I of all poeple should not be greedy at all. greed is a bad thing and it drives me mad, and drives me to all the wrong places. i want to eat it all and have it all no matter how i feel after.  i am managing to eat less and more organized but i can control my nightly bloody money lust.
riding the boston subway system is a strange thing. one the one had it is small and short and mostly works ok. it feels like a family commute rather then a bustling rapid moving city like the NYC sub. but then it is stupidly over crowded in rush hours, to the point that this morning 2 poeple fainted today while the red line train was stopped at downtown crossing. the jews had it easier to get to the camps i tell you. on the way back both the red line and orange line were stopping randomly along the way in between stations, i guess to make room for traffic ahead of them. all in all the trip probably took the same amount of time but felt like it took hours. so i guess they cant run more trains in rush hour because they would simply get caught in some tunnel traffic and have to slow down even more. if the capacity of the system is less then the demand it might be that all those theories about induced demand and traffic patterns are not exactly always true.
also alot of poeple ride the T with open shoes or flip flops. i discovered that other poeples town disgust me and make me sick.