the Jehuda St. experiment

i just finished eating a red grapefruit. it took me a while to go through the unusual meditation of how this citrus is called a grapefruit when it is not really a grape, and well i guess one would have to call it a fruit after all. but the more trublling thing i found about this grapefruit is that i started a methodical autodeducting reasoning debate i have wiht my self in my head, that awfully reminded me of what my mother does when she stumbles upon somthing that might be in some dictionary and has a story underneath it just waiting to be uncovered. but then there was silence for a few seconds as i gave the arguments about grapes and fruits a rest. then it hit me. i sound like my dad when he used to eat grapefruit after dinner at our living room. this was a ritualistic after food kind of thing. as a kid my hands were too small to grab a grapefriut, or even an orange, in a way that would let me peel it the way he used to do it. it was always the thing i would like to do able to do when i grow up - to peel a citrus confidently and freely with the tip of a knife and not have to think about it or stress over it. may somthing like driving with out having to think about what you are doing at any given moment. and today, i peeled that motherfukcer just like i dreamd peeling it would be like. no hassle, smooth strokes with the knife, clean staright cuts and a perfect peel. i only thought about how easy that was when i heard myself making that bubeling suckling smootching sound slurping a grapefruit into your mouth makes. or how it would have sounded had my dad been eating it. thats it i have become what i wanted to be and earned all the responsabilities that go with it. i sound like my dad eating a grapefriut. there was no other thing i hated more. and there is nothing i can do about it. its genetic.

lately i have been loosing my hair. actualy its been going on for a while but for the past few months it is comming out off my head in droves. i can see more of my scalp every day and i can feel it dwindeling on the apex at the top of my head. this could be due to exrteme exposure to cacenogenic materials over the past 7 years, materials such as formaldehyde (15% in water) or thiosulfate amoniom chloride amongst others. or, it could be genetic. just like the grapefriut thing. there is no where more to run, wherever i turn, no matter where i go - i am still me.