devision

as i was walking home after trying to get back in the shooting bussiness, the sun was setting over the city and wind was blowing down hillel street, and sweapt up a big dust clowed and carried it down the road. it was an amazing sight, realizing that i live int he middle east, in the middle of the desert. the dust is a part of my life here. and its such a huge part, i havent noticed it untill now. the tripot head was covered with dust when i picked it up today,i was using it regularly only a few weeks ago. the RZ is lying in dust for a while now. i like having but i am not sure about what to do with it, after the ust clowed settled i walked up the park, on my regular rute from work to home. it felt alittle like what i was thingk about in boston walking around with the tripod, not knowing anyone, and not having more then a fake purpose to it all thinking how lonly i feel, and that there was this note hanging on my mothers clipboard for years, that freedome dosent meen the ability to do whatever you want, it actualy means that u have alot to do but you dont really have to. and now that i was on my own not having to do any of the things i usualy have had to deal with for the past 4 years it feels strange and i am back to feeling sorry for my self for stupid reasons. i have no excuses this time around. i tried to think about what i should be doing. what should i be persuing this minute.. i wish i had a web site with all my best reportage work. an evangelical american women came in to the store today asking for directions. religius poeple are just stupid. this one was extra stupid, as she was extra happy and even more so self content wiht her life and knowledge. she talked about gog and magog. what a fucking mind job. what i dont get is that if the world is gonna be destroyd anyway before the redemption why should i work so hard or belive in god or what have you? to secure my place in the after life? i hope i dont make it past 30, what the fuck would i want wiht an after life. i saw a guy joging on at france sqaure. i thought for a second that maybe now that i have time i should get back to that. but then i thought that ill proebebly only do it once or twice at most and why bother. oh yes and a picture.